Dear Navya,
When I came to Keele from India, a very long way from home, my dad wrote me letters. Not many, maybe five or six, but I still remember how encouraging every one of them was. He had so many thoughts and feelings that he couldn’t fit into a phone call, so he sat down and wrote them out. I understand him a lot better now. I have thousands of thoughts for you too, and when I see you face to face the time is short and the words never come out in the right order. So I’m doing what he did.
I know you are probably nervous, anxious and excited all at once. That is completely natural. You are human. Whenever we start something new, whenever we leave our comfort zone, our parents, our house, our city, we feel nervous. But everybody starts somewhere, and things improve, usually faster than you expect. You will find people in the most random places. Some friends may stay with you for your whole life, and some will come and go. A few will seem lovely at first and then, after a few months, you’ll realise they weren’t worth your time. Don’t worry about that. It happens to everyone and it is part of life.
I also know that after we left you might have been wondering what you were going to do now. Mama and I were sad as well, and that is only fair. It’s a strange place for you, an unknown place, but remember it is unknown for everybody who has just arrived. You might feel like staying in your room and not venturing out. In the early days that is normal. This is the first step you are taking towards adulthood. You have left the nest, and now you will slowly explore yourself, your life and your opportunities.
Let’s also put things in perspective. Last year we were worried about results and disheartened, and then you were so unwell that you ended up in hospital. We were so stressed, and the only thing that mattered was that you got better. When things settled, we started wondering whether you would even be able to go to university. And now you have your first choice, Law with Business at the University of Essex. I am so proud of you for achieving it. If you feel sad right now, see it as a blip. When you look at the bigger picture you got exactly what you wanted, and from here, the more you explore and the more ambitious you are, the more you will get out of life.
Something else, from my side. I am lucky to have three kids, and I have always been in favour of a bigger family, especially when your roots and your extended family are not here. I may be here or I may not, but you three will always have each other, someone to call for help, to ask for advice, or just to talk your heart out to. If I had only one child, the house would be very quiet and gloomy right now. Aditya was so sad when we left, and Siya was crying in the car when we dropped you off. But you are not far, and that matters.
I gave you a car because I want you to be independent, and because of what I learnt in my own life. Whatever people say about public transport, the environment and convenience, I only care about what is easier for you. When I was at university it was fine, but a car would have made things so much easier. It makes the decision to come home an easy one. Sometimes even getting to the station, wondering whether to walk or take a train and then travel further, is a barrier, and I want to take that barrier out. You drove so well on the way to university with me, so come whenever you are free. Remember that.
I know the first few days are hard when you haven’t made friends yet, but you will, 100 percent. Mark my words. Everyone worries about this. You will meet people in the kitchen, in the shops, around the campus, in all sorts of places, and they will be in exactly the same boat as you, looking for good people too. You’ll stumble upon each other and become friends. And I remember a time will come when we say, Navya, come home for this or that, and you will say no, because you’ll have your own life and your own friends and you’ll be busy. That is how it should be.
University is a great time to brainstorm, to think out of the box and beyond conservative views. Universities are generally liberal places, and I am a fan of youth, because young people are the ones who bring change. Older people tend to go along with whatever is happening, and they stop questioning things because they become part of the system. Young people want new things, they challenge norms and society, and eventually they are the ones who change it. So study, think, and try to do something new and better. You don’t need to worry about anything else, we will take care of the rest. Spend some time on your health too. Go to the gym, and meet people there as well.
You were born eighteen years ago, and time just flies. I have a picture of me carrying you in my arms, and suddenly you are 18 and I’m leaving you at university while you cry. You were crying when you were born too, so I feel nothing has changed. You will always be my little daughter. When you were small and I used to drop you at nursery and hear you cry, I felt guilty, the way every parent does. This time it wasn’t guilt at all. It was more encouraging, more positive. Of course we feel sad. But we grow by doing new things, and for that we have to leave. If we stay in our comfort zone, we never grow.
One last honest thing. Deep down I wanted you to study somewhere you would have to live on your own, rather than stay in Canterbury. Mama wanted you in Canterbury, but I said no, she should go and live on her own. I wanted you to be confident. It will be an interesting time ahead, and I know you will do well. I wish you all the best, beta.
With all my love,
Papa
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